Friday 23 August 2013

Advice to Daughters-in-Law

By Hadhrat Moulana Abdul Hamid Is`haq Saheb (Daamat Barakaatuhum)

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

1. Accept your in-laws as your own parents. You have them to thank for the wonderful man who has become your life-partner.

2. Do not compare them to your parents, whereby your spouse is made to feel that his parents are inadequate or inferior.

3. If your in-laws give a gift, appreciate it and do not pass unkind remarks. If you are able, reciprocate with a gift as well.

4. Praise them often in the presence of your husband, family, and friends.  In this way, even though you have not grown to like them, you will in time.

5. Realize that they are also humans. They have their faults. You would never disown your parents for their faults, similarly; you should not sever family ties due to any shortcomings from your husband’s parents. …Hide their faults. Allah Ta’ala will conceal your faults in the Hereafter.

6. Lower your expectations. As much as you might feel that marriage is a huge adjustment to you, having their son married is an adjustment for them too. Their son no longer belongs exclusively to them. Both have to learn to share.

7. Treat them respectfully. A bad word can create a permanent rift.

8. When your children show them love, be thankful rather than jealous. Do not deprive your children of the love of their grandparents, nor confine them only to your own parents.

9. Do all you can to make them feel at home when they come to visit. When you visit them, assist them as much as possible. They should feel pleased when you come and they should look forward to your visits.

10. Treat every instruction of your mother-in-law like an instruction from your own mother. Give her preference to yourself. Speak to her with respect and not as you speak to an equal. Maintain silence if she scolds you. Do not speak harshly to her.

11. Do not speak ill of them in the presence of your children. If there is any problem, it should be discussed privately, with your husband.

12. Never drag your husband into an argument between your mother-in-law and yourself. By doing this, you place your husband in a very precarious position. Should you have any issue you need to address with your mother-in-law, do so in a polite, respectful manner. By holding mature adult discussions, an amicable agreement can be reached.

13. Be a giver instead of a demander. Always remember that it is sheer folly to go around demanding that your rights be fulfilled. Rather, concentrate on fulfilling the rights of others. In doing so, you will find that those around you will automatically begin to fulfil your rights.

14. If your in-laws have no one else to reside with, be gracious to offer that they reside with you. This is more so when the father-in-law passes away. By being of service to your mother-in-law, you will attain lofty stages in the Hereafter, since Khidmat (service) grants one the reward of Allah Ta’ala Himself. Never be selfish and ask your husband to choose between his mother and you. Remember; as you do, so will you be recompensed. It may be that one day, you too reach old-age and will require assistance.

Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Whichever young person honours an old person due to his age, Allah Ta’ala will create someone who will honour him in old age.”

15. If your in-laws oppress you, first turn to Allah Ta’ala and make Dua to Him, asking Him to soften their hearts towards you, and create love and harmony. If need be, speak to your husband in a polite manner, and inform him of your plight. Learn to forgive and forget.

Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Allah Ta’ala increases a person in honour who forgives. Whoever humbles himself for Allah Ta’ala, Allah Ta’ala will raise him.”

16. Always encourage your husband to keep good ties with his family members, especially his parents, brothers and sisters. Many brothers and sisters become estranged after marriage due to the stories carried by the wives to their husbands. Behave respectfully to all elders, like the wives of the husband’s elder brother. If younger, be kind and loving and assist as far as possible in their work.

17. Recompense comes from Allah Ta’ala. Give and give and do not ever expect something in return. Always remember that the best recompense is always from Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala says: “And what is the reward of good except good?” (Ar-Rahman. 55:601)

Advice to Mothers-in-Law HERE