Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
By Hadhrat Moulana Abdul Hamid Is’haq Sahib (DB)
Allah Ta’ala informs us:
“And Allah brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when you knew nothing…”
[Surah An-Nahl 16 : 78]
When you came into the world, you were completely ignorant. You did not know Alif, Baa …1, 2 … A, B. …Nothing was known.
When a child is born, he comes with a clean slate. However, a lot of effort is to be made on the child. If the correct effort is made, he will become of the noble human beings and progress further than the angels. For this, he will have to be raised in a wholesome and spiritually healthy environment, nurtured with beneficial knowledge; corrected and trained in good qualities, as well as obedience to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam. He will have to be taught and guided in fulfilling the rights of the Creator and the creation.
If this process is adopted, we will have good human beings. The world will become an abode of goodness: Those who have knowledge, will teach others; those who have wealth, will spend on others, those who have strength, will help others … and people will look to benefit and support each other in good.
Thus, with the right effort, the child will become a human being in the true sense and will be of the grateful servants of Allah Ta’ala. Of course, as parents, we have to make the right effort on ourselves as well. We need to set a true example. Then, we and our children will express Shukr (gratitude) to Allah Ta’ala, as mentioned in the Ayah.
“…And He gave you hearing, sight, and hearts that you might give thanks.”
[Surah An-Nahl 16 : 78]
When we use the faculties given by Allah Ta’ala, in the proper way, the outcome will be gratitude … because of our personal and actual experience in connecting with Allah Ta’ala, which is the objective of our creation and which brings great joy and ecstasy.
On the other hand, if no effort is made, the child will be spoiled and ruined.
WHEN THERE IS NO EFFORT
‘Ulama have written that if a person makes no effort on himself and chooses to remain as is, he will deteriorate. This applies to anything. If there is no effort, there will be decline and degeneration.
There are many examples: If a person says that he took a bath once and does not need to bathe ever again, what will his condition be? …If you have a beautiful house – a show-house – but if it is not maintained, dust and dirt start to accumulate. It will slowly become derelict and will lose its value. If you have a beautiful garden and you neglect it, weeds will invade the garden and it will become a jungle. If you have a sparkling blue pool and you do not take care of it, algae begin to grow and the water turns green in colour. No one will want to swim in such a pool. Similarly, you may have a car which is top of the range, but if you don’t maintain it and service it, that neglect will lead to vehicle damage and a major break-down.
In everything, there is a need for maintenance, upkeep and effort. To spoil or destroy anything, all that is required is to not maintain it. Don’t make an effort. Just leave it and there will be decline and destruction. …However, when it comes to material possessions, then generally, there is pride in maintaining, upkeeping and even upgrading.
Our children are, by far, more valuable to anything material. They are trusts from Allah Ta’ala and can be a means of great goodness for our Hereafter and true representatives of Islam – conditional to the effort we make in their nurturing and upbringing.
COMMON WEAKNESSES
We see certain qualities and different habits within our children: Sometimes they have stinginess and greed in them. For example, they don’t want to share their toys with other children – which makes apparent stinginess. Yet, when they see other children with toys, they want those toys also. They will still be eating something but will demand something else – which makes apparent greed. …They reach a certain age, which people describe as ‘terrible’, because of the tantrums and the outbursts. There is uncontrolled anger. …At times, the mother wants to give the child a bath, but he runs away from her – because of laziness. She will repeatedly tell the child to put away his toys – but again, there is laziness. The child enjoyed playing but does not like the idea of work. …Often, it is a great challenge for the parents to make sure that good and wholesome food is eaten. Children generally prefer sweets, and if they could do as they like, they will live on sweets … and that would be destruction for them.
Then, we find with older siblings: they have the bad habit of fighting over petty things. They are triggered over trivial matters and that sets in motion the screaming, hitting, crying, etc. The poor mother has to deal with it and she becomes exasperated.
There is obviously a need to remedy these weaknesses and bad habits. There is an effort that needs to be made and must be made. The child should be taught to share and give; the child should be corrected and disciplined, the child should be trained in cleanliness and good habits, and the children should not be left to fight like cats and dogs, rather they should understand each other’s rights and work to accommodate each other and overlook small inconveniences.
PARENTING
Today’s modern parenting causes harm and impairs children long term, if they will just be left to their own devices; not supervised, advised, corrected or disciplined. The Sunnah directs to the most balanced and sensible parenting: Together with mercy, compassion, kindness and tolerance, there is a need to educate and guide children in matters of Dien, remind them of their obligations as Muslims, and build their characters. Rasulullah Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: “There is no gift that a father gives his child more virtuous than good manners.”[1]
There will also be a need to discipline. For example: Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Abbaas (Radhiyallahu ‘anhu) related that Rasulullah Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam said: “Hang your whip where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.”[2]
Now, this must be understood. Rasulullah Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam did not say: ‘Use the whip.’ He Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam said, keep the whip hanging as it will be a great deterrent. …If, in this country, which has become almost lawless, a law is passed that the punishment for murder will be the death sentence, this law alone will reduce the number of murders. It will be a deterrent.
Like this, if we look into the Sunnah, we will find the best methodology in the upbringing of children, which will make them strong, resilient and responsible, as well as assets for the Ummah.
‘DO NOT BURY YOUR CHILDREN ALIVE’
There is an incident in Hayatus Sahabah (Radhiyallahu ‘anhum): A Sahabiyah, Hadhrat Azza bint Khaabil (Radhiyallahu ‘anha) had taken a pledge of allegiance from Rasulullah Sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam that she would not engage in Zina, would not steal and would not bury her children alive, neither in public nor in secrecy.
She said, regarding this Bay’ah: “I knew well what Rasulullah Sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam meant by publicly burying children alive but I did not ask Rasulullah Sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam what burying them alive, in secrecy, meant; neither did he inform me. It occurred to me that it refers to spoiling children. By Allah! I shall not spoil any child of mine.”[3]
Whilst the Arabs, prior to Islam, killed their daughters by burying them alive, we kill our children spiritually – by providing them Haraam and allowing them access to everything that will ruin them spiritually.
There is another kind of effort that is made, which regrettably is even recommended and applauded. This effort is the wrong effort.
THE WRONG EFFORT
One is the person does not take a bath and he becomes dirty. What will we say of a person who makes the wrong effort and throws dirt on himself, or he covers himself with sewage? If a person does not eat healthy, nutritious food, his health will suffer sooner or later, but what will we say of a person who chooses to ingest poison?
It should have been uncommon that the wrong effort is made on a person, where, for example, he is taught and trained to steal, torture, murder, etc. But crime and evil are taught. People are coached in crime. Nowadays, evil and immorality are also taught formally and officially – in schools, colleges, universities – even in pre-school. It is taught in a sugar-coated and sophisticated manner. One has to just review the CSE[4] syllabus and you will find fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, etc. being taught to our children – from an early age. Unfortunately, most parents are clueless. They don’t know what is being taught and don’t make an effort to find out.
…When we were in Jamaat in Belgium, and were doing ghusht, we passed by a place where little children were having a sand bath. They were 3 and 4 years of age. Boys and girls were hugging one another and exploring one another’s bodies. This is what they were encouraged towards. …When this is the teaching, what will be the outcome? This is not limited to Belgium or Europe, but this is part of “educating” children at pre-school and kindergarten, in different parts of the world. These are from the first steps in teaching immoral conduct.
In many countries today, an LBGTQ+ inclusive curriculum and integration have been implemented from pre-school and primary school, under the charade of “healthy learning”. There is such an aggressive drive to manipulate and indoctrinate children, to influence them to change their gender, to accept the concept of two mothers, two fathers, etc. Unsurprisingly, when the wrong upbringing and education are given, depravity sets in, which destroys human qualities. If the wrong effort is made, the human being will then become worse than an animal.
SECULAR EDUCATION AND MATERIALISM
We see the wrong effort being made in the name of secular education and in the chase to acquire the material world. Often, due to secularism and materialism, we lose our qualities of being human. Due to the same, we find hedonism is the order of the day – ‘I’, ‘Me’ and ‘Myself’ becomes the priority in life. Added to which, corruption and degeneration sets in where many subscribe to the ideologies of LGBTQ, feminism, liberalism and so forth. Some Muslims proudly identify as feminists, gays, lesbians, transgender, etc. Many are proud to announce that they have given up Islam and live a ‘free’ life. They publicise and broadcast that they are now ‘ex-Muslims’, recruiting more. This is what happens when the nafs (ego) is taken as god.
“Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilaah (god)…”
[Surah Al-Jathiyah 45 : 23]
When this is the end result, then we, as the parents are blameworthy because we are making the wrong effort, by giving our children the wrong education, whereby they are indoctrinated with Kufr and Shirk. Instead of learning Dien and gaining closeness to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, we choose secular knowledge and move away from our Dien. Instead of teaching our children Qur’aan and Sunnah, we instil within them, all the isms which destroy them – morally, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. …Where the aspiration was to gain the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala, now it is pleasing nafs and shaytaan. Where the effort would and should have been to gain Jannah, now the effort is to secure Jahannam!
…Someone defined diplomacy as: To send someone to hell in such a way, that he thanks you for it. …The secular system and the culture of hedonism and self-satisfaction do exactly this. Many of us don’t only thank those who coach and prime us in that direction but pay enormous amounts for tickets to hell. What is actually total and open destruction, we see as success. In the process, and very sadly, the teachings of the Qur’aan and Sunnah are downgraded or cancelled. – Na-uzu Billah.
AN ABSOLUTE FARDH
We need to be aware and alert of what is happening, especially with our children’s education and their social media interaction. The secular schooling system as well as the media are fraught with Kufr ideologies, and our children are just absorbing it all, with many no longer having Imaan in their hearts. Many believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution; many are feminists and fight for so-called women’s ‘rights’, or support and promote the ‘pride’ movement and other Haraam. These sins are taught and our children are trained towards becoming criminals in the Court of Allah Ta’ala.
It is an absolute Fardh for parents to undo the harm that has been done. It is crucial to apprise and advise our children and educate them of the Commandments and Prohibitions of Allah Ta’ala. If we do not undo this damage, then on the Day of Qiyamah, be sure that your children will hold you by your necks and blame you for their pitiable conditions. They will bitterly complain to Allah Ta’ala: Our parents allowed this. They encouraged us. The blame is upon them. It is because of our parents that we learnt evil and engaged in evil and now we see before us the punishment of the fire!
Instead of main-stream or private schooling, do home-schooling and carefully monitor that as well. Living in this world, we do need some worldly knowledge and skill but we do not need that knowledge which is specifically devised to make a person an atheist.
SAVE YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILY
Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’aan Sharief:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your family from the hellfire whose fuel is men and stones...”
Unfortunately, we are too occupied with our cell phones, social media accounts, attending social events and pursuing dunya. As such we are unconcerned about our children, their Dien and Aakhirah; almost as if we forget that we have a responsibility towards spiritually nurturing them.
This Command of Allah Ta’ala, to save ourselves and families, was explained by Hadhrat Ali (Radhiyallahu ‘anhu): We should save ourselves from the fire through obedience to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam and good actions, and save our families through teaching them Dien and providing them guidance and correct advice. For this, we will have to live by the Commandments of Allah Ta'ala and avoid all prohibitions.
Rasulullah Sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of a people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”[5]
Adopt a balanced approach in bringing up the children and teaching them Dien. There should be hope and encouragement. Let it not be only about punishment. We must obviously be good role-models and present a true example of a noble Muslim. Create an Islamic environment at home, conducive to practising on the Qur’aan Shareef and Sunnah. This means that we should clean out the home of all Haraam elements, such as television, music, musical instruments, etc. and introduce Ta’liem, recitation of Qur’aan Shareef and other forms of Ibaadaat. We will then witness Allah Ta’ala’s Barakah (blessings), Rahmah (mercy), Nusrah (help) and Hifazah (protection). Our children will then become the coolness of our eyes. We will be happy to spend time with them and they will be honoured to spend time with and serve their parents, grand-parents and family. They will enjoy the success of both dunya and Aakhirah.
Allah Ta’ala guide us to the best and grant us the Taufeeq of making Amal.
[1] Sunan Tirmidhi
[2] Tabraani
[3] Tabraani / Hayatus Sahaba (RA) - Volume 1
[4] Comprehensive Sexual Education
[5] Sahih Al-Bukhari
